Mistakes
by DRACON1US
Summary: I felt like our entire friendship had gone up in flames in a matter of moments." -Gus. Set in the early 90's. What does Shawn consider the greatest mistake he's ever made with Gus? And what will it do to their friendship? One-sided ShawnxGus
1. Rum and Beer: Gus

**Mistakes**

**Chapter 1: Rum and Beer**

_Gus POV_

_*the much needed editing version*_

* * *

Shawn and I walked out of the gym glad to stretch our legs after the hours of testing. With a sigh of relief I came to terms with the fact that I had just finished my junior year of High School. I began to imagine all the things I'd do this summer with no more obstacles between me and them… community service, volunteer work at the hospital, leadership camp, Shawn and my annual trip to the beach with Henry.

A group of three or four girls spotted Shawn and began to talk in hushed voices. As always Shawn couldn't resist a good flirt so he walked over to humor them while I packed my backpack. I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I shoved my pens in my side pocket, Shawn was always crawling with girls. Shawn returned a minute later slipping a small sheet of paper (undoubtedly a phone number) into his back pocket. "You coming over tonight? My dad has a 24-hour shift so we could buy some beers and you can stay over," he said grabbing his bag and giving me one of those happy grins that would brighten anyone's day.

"Those girls didn't invite you to some party or something?" I asked skeptically.

"Well they did but I'd rather stay at home and relax," he said. As an afterthought he added, "I did get Angie's number though!" he said confirming my suspicion with a grin.

We walked to the car discussing specific questions that had stumped us. But I knew that although I had worked at least twice as much as Shawn he probably did just as well as I did. Shawn didn't try or study but he had a freakishly specific memory and a weird gift of deduction which made every multiple choice test he took a breeze. He was a bit of a genius and I wasn't sure how much of him acknowledged it. I assumed that only Henry and I knew the extent of his gift.

"I'll drive," he said, I threw him the keys and we got in the car. First stop was the liquor store. As many times as I'd drank with Shawn the idea still made me uneasy. We pulled into the tiny parking lot of the Liquor store closer to my house (the one Henry never went to) and Shawn hopped out of the car. I didn't go in but I watched through the window as Shawn bought a bottle of Captain's and a six-pack of Corona. He showed the cashier his fake ID while making friendly conversation before getting back in the driver's seat.

I pulled out my wallet to give him a twenty as repayment but he waved it away, "No really Gus we're celebrating. Think of it as my gift of relaxation after a ridiculously stressful junior year," he started the car, "Well... stressful for you anyways."

When we got there I called my parents and told them where I was. Then we watched some bad movies (Ferris Bueller's Day Off and The Goonies) and opened the beer. A six-pack and a few not-too-drunk-dials later and it was midnight. We grabbed a few bags of chips and the currently unopened bottle of rum and went to Shawn's room. It was as messy as always with some mediocre band posters adorning the walls. There were old sports trophies lining his dresser and dirty clothes spilling out of the closet.

I set up my sleeping bag but was sitting at the end of Shawn's bed while he sat against the pillows at the other end. At that point I had had too much to drink to remember what we were talking about really… there was a lot of giggling on my part and Shawn's typical antics, with the occasional swig of Rum.

It was around 1:30 that I realized just how drunk I was, "I need to stop drinking," I said a Little uneasily. My stomach turned and I could taste pennies. I had never gotten sick after drinking and I wanted to keep it that way. I handed the bottle to Shawn who capped it and put it on his bedside table.

"Are you okay Gus?" he asked me. I didn't respond, instead I laid down. "Gus, seriously, are you okay? If you're going to barf go to the bathroom. Here I'll help you," I vaguely felt Shawn trying to help me up but I shook my head.

"No I'm fine... just give me a second," I said breathing deeply on my back. I sat there for a few minutes looking at the ceiling mesmerized by the glow-in-dark stars spotting his roof. My stomach began to settle and I smiled at the memory.

"You remember when we put those up?" I said lazily pointing at the ceiling.

Shawn looked up and smiled too, "Yea, what grade was that?"

"I don't know, third?"

Shawn looked at the bed again, smiling to himself, then he looked up excited, "Was that-... Was that our first sleepover?" he asked his voice louder than before. My mind was fuzzy and I couldn't remember, "Gus! That was our first sleepover! No I remember because I got them from you for my birthday but I wanted to wait until you came over to put them up!" he laughed. "I wonder if they still work..."

He stood and walked to the light switch. He posed at the light switch looking very dramatic. I giggled... I hated to admit it but I giggle like crazy when I'm drunk, "Are you ready Gus?" he asked very seriously. "Because this isn't a laughing matter," I giggled some more and vaguely accepted the fact that I probably looked like an idiot. He did some weird kind of spin before turning off the light switch.

I looked at the ceiling excited... and then was disappointed. "They don't work anymore..." I said, suddenly unreasonably sad about something so insignificant.

Shawn turned the lights back on, "I guess not," he said unphased. Maybe it was the rum but a severe sense of Nostalgia came over me. It made me incredibly sad that something that had been the highlight of our night once had been forgotten and was completely pointless to us at this age. I didn't like the idea of anything that Shawn and I had once shared being forgotten.

"When did we become friends?" I asked still looking up at the faded stars, hypnotized, flashes of Shawn and I as children running through my mind.

Shawn had sat back down, "Well we met in Pre-K, but we didn't become friends until first grade."

"Yea, I remember," I said. I was still staring somewhat mesmerized at the he stars on the ceiling. "We sat next to each other in Mrs.- uh... Mrs-... what was her name?"

"," he laughed, "She loved you."

"And hated you," I said feeling myself beginning to dose, I had the urge to crawl over to Shawn and hug him but I was too tired for that. Shawn laughed again and there was an awkward pause.

"You still went by Burton back then," Shawn said more to himself than to anyone else. Gus didn't respond with anything other than a smile. "It's hard to believe that eight years ago we were doing the same thing we're doing now... minus the liquor of course," he continued.

"We've been friends a long time..." I said my voice muffled by Shawn's bedding.

"Yup," I heard him say. I had closed my eyes wanting to go to sleep.

"No, I mean a long long time," I said as if this proved my point entirely.

He laughed, "Yes, a long long time."

"How long?" I asked peeking at him. He was staring at me with a strange look on his face, that seemed to wake me up a little.

He sat in thought for a second, "Well, more then 10 years now."

"Wow…" I said sitting up now. It seemed so bizarre that I had been friends with Shawn for more then two thirds of our lives. For as long as I cared to remember Shawn was there, always. When I got beat up behind the monkey bars in the play ground in second grade Shawn had been the one who ran in and valiantly tried to fight off the 4th grader while everyone else ran off. When my grandpa died in 7th grade Shawn went to the funeral and held my hand even though he hates death. Even when Shawn became the class clown that everyone wanted to be friends with he still always chose me over them. Shawn was just a part of my life, he was my family, and I couldn't imagine it any other way.

I looked at Shawn, again there was something strange in his expression but I ignored it. "You're my best friend Shawn," I said out of nowhere.

Shawn looked taken aback. I mentally slapped myself for being so sentimental. But after a second Shawn replied quietly, "You're my best friend too." Now the smile was off his face and he was looking at me seriously with that look on his face that was so bizarre.

A silence fell over us for what felt like an eternity. The atmosphere suddenly turned tense as I stared at him and he looked back. I don't know what made me do it, when I look back on that night I think it was that look on his face that I'd never seen before. It was as if his eyes were silently begging me to do it... it just felt right.

I kissed him.

I pulled away quickly trying to read his expression, it didn't change. He looked back at me stunned, but no reaction. Painfully slow, my brain began working and the impact of what I had just done sunk in and I felt the heat rise to my face. Still Shawn didn't do anything. I had to get out of there. I began to stand but I felt Shawn grab my wrist and pull me back.

"Shawn, I'm sorry I shou-" but my drunk ramblings were cut off when Shawn kissed me back. The moment was perfect, not a single thought went through my mind that implied that this was wrong or shouldn't be happening. We just moved togethor so smoothly and it felt so damn good, what could be bad about this? I felt his tongue tracing my lips and soon he was exploring my mouth. Then Shawn's shirt disappeared and almost against my will I began tracing his abs with my fingers. Before I knew what was happening I was on my back with a bare-chested Shawn straddling my hips, breathing his name as he began unbuttoning my shirt. In my inept state I could barely comprehend what was happening. I had no idea how long it had been since I kissed him but everything had gone by in a blur.

I don't know what made me come to my senses but suddenly I realized who it was that I was passionately kissing. Without thinking I shoved Shawn off of me almost knocking him off of the bed.

"What the hell are you doing?" I demanded.

"What? I was... But you-" Shawn sat there shirtless and red in the face stammering. It was sad really but I was too drunk for sympathy. This was one of the only moments I'd ever seen Shawn unable to think of some witty comment that just made everything better.

"Save it Shawn," I stumbled out of his room and managed to get down the stairs without falling. The alcohol was completely clouding my reason and I decided in that moment to blame Shawn, even though I kissed him. I ripped open the door and went out into the cool night feeling the breeze on my chest. It was then that I realized my shirt was completely unbuttoned and falling off of my shoulders, this only made me angrier. I slammed my car door shut as I sat In the driver's seat. I reached in my pocket to find that my keys were missing.

"Damnit!" I said as I realized Shawn must have the keys seeing as he had driven last. I stormed back inside to find Shawn standing at the top of the stairs (his shirt back on).

"You aren't driving Gus," he said firmly.

"Oh yea? Give me the keys," I shouted angrily. My head was spinning again.

"No Gus, I'm not going to let my best friend get himself killed," he said fiercely.

I laughed in a way that scared me. It was cruel and mocking. "Best friend?!" I spat out. "Would you do what you did to me if you were my best friend?"

"What I _did to you!?_ Newsflash _Burton!" _he said sarcastically, "You kissed me!"

I don't know why but the unexplained fury in my stomach suddenly took control of my mind and I started saying things to Shawn that would sicken me today. "Here's a newsflash for you Shawn! When your hammered best friend kisses you, you don't take that as the signal to sleep with him while he's too drunk to do anything about it!" I was screaming at this point.

Shawn's face fell, I'd obviously hit a little too close to home because Shawn started stammering again. "Wha- Who said anything abo- I would never sleep with you!"

"Oh yea? So you were just stripping down to compare chest hair? And that bulge in your pants was my imagination I suppose..." I said sarcasm dripping from every word.

"I was drunk! You were drunk!" he said his voice cracking left and right.

"Drunk or not Shawn, it doesn't make up for the fact that you would have raped me had I not stopped you."

The silence that fell between us was beyond tense. We stood there for at least a minute looking at each other, him looking pitiful while I was seething. Shawn was bright red and looked like he might actually cry... something that still made me hate myself to this day. But at the time I wasn't thinking about pity,

"What kind of sick bastard rapes his best friend?" I said finally. He didn't respond just continued to stare at me, his green eyes shining with tears. "I'll sleep on the couch," I said in a resigned voice leaving him standing dumbfounded at the top of the stairs.

I walked into the familiar living room of the Spencer's and breathed a sigh of relief as my throbbing headache began to fade. But as my headache and the alcohol began to fade the guilt began to settle in my stomach.

_What kind of sick bastard rapes his best friend_.

That sentence kept on running through my head over and over again making me feel worse each time. I knew he didn't rape me and would have stopped had I put up any sort of objection. But the situation was just so shocking and bizarre, so I had taken comfort in blaming Shawn.

The last image I remember before falling asleep was Shawn holding back tears as I screamed at him.

_A/N: So this was my first shot at slash. This will probably end up being a 5 or 6 chaptered fic. The next chapter is the same night from Shawn's POV. Hope you liked it! Reviews are greatly appreciated!_

_*Edited because the first copy was appalling, Chapter three will be out by today (the 29th) or tomorrow (the 30th)*_


	2. Rum and Beer: Shawn

**Mistakes**

**Rum and Beer (part two)**

_Shawn POV_

* * *

I think that some part of me has always known I was in love with Gus. It explained a lot really, like why I couldn't date black girls because it was too close to kissing Gus. Or why I blushed everytime Gus would casually talk to me in the locker room in his boxers. And eve the reason why I'd stare at Gus long after he'd fallen asleep at sleepovers.

And here I was again staring at that familiar face from across the gym. Gus was trying to finish his essay as the final minutes of the test went by even though I could see he'd already filled out an entre esay booklet). Even now having been fully aware of my unnatural obsession with my best friend for three years, I still couldn't keep my eyes off of him.

But I pushed the thoughts of him in my arms to the back of my head as I stood at the sound of the bell indicating the end of the test. I walked over to his desk as he frantically finished his conclusion paragraph.

"Mr.Guster," I said in my best impression of Mrs.Parks, our American History teacher, "The exam has ended, please put down your pen," I said in my high-pitched voice. Finally he put the final period on the paper and looked up at me with a brilliant smile, my heart melted.

"Grover Cleveland! Could there have been an easier essay topic? I know everything about him!" he said triumphantly.

"And is that a good thing?" I asked, "We need to find you a hobby… how does water polo sound?" I asked as we began leaving, "Or fencing? Oh! Oh! Those Lumberjack competitions!"

"Shutup Shawn, I'm proud of my knowledge of Grover Cleveland," he said giving me his annoyed look that gave me butterflies. Things were worse then usual today. We left the gym and a group of girls called me over.

"Hey Shawn!" called a girl named Angie who had been my most recent flirt. I came over feeling guilty for leaving Gus and decided not to get caught up in a conversation.

"Hey guys," I said.

"There's a party at Ron's tonight… I thought maybe we could go together," she said flipping her re-brown hair and smiling at me.

I looked back at Gus show was leaning against the wall staring into space and immediately knew who I'd rather hang out with. "Listen I have plans. But maybe we can do something next weekend?" I said giving her my most charming smile. She bought it and gave me her number.

I knew I had no intentions of ever calling her. Shaking off the guilty feelings I walked back to Gus. "You coming over tonight? My dad has a twenty four hour shift so we could buy some beers and you could stay the night," I said.

"Yeah, sure. You didn't get invited to a party or something?"'

"Well they did," _but I'd rather be with you, _"But I'd rather stay at home and relax." To my horror I felt myself blush. _Pull it together! _To cover up for my moment of weakness I showed off the number I intended to throw in the trash at the first chance.

As we headed to the car Gus immediately bombarded me with questions about the test and which essay topic I had chosen and son and so forth. I offered to drive which turned out to be a bad idea… I kept on glancing over at Gus at the wrong times and nearly got us killed once or twice.

Finally we pulled into the liquor store parking lot and was glad Gus wasn't in eyeshot anymore. Things were really bad, far worse then they had been in a while. Normally I was good about keeping my feelings under control but today I couldn't keep him from my mind.

I picked up a bottle of rum and a six pack of corona not even thinking about the price because Gus was all that I could think about. _Christ, I'm hornier then a 14 year old boy that goes to catholic school right now…_

We got home and I put the beers in the fridge. "What do you want to watch?" I called from the kitchen while I could see him lounging on the couch.

"I don't care, bring the beers in," he said changing from New to Richard Simmons.

We eventually settled on Ferris Bueller's day off which was far funnier after a few beers. Gus was one of those people who found everything hilarious has he got drunker, I watched as he almost peed himself when they pushed the car out of the garage (which really isn't that funny).

An hour later the beer was one and I could feel the affects already. Gus had adjusted himself so that he was lying across the couch, his head partially in my lap and continued to laugh at anything and everything. I started to realize the danger of the situation… I was tipsy… Gus was very close and incredibly drunk… And he was just so fucking adorable. I had to use all of my self restraint not to take him right then and there.

The beer made his smile brighter, his skin smoother, and every word that came out of his mouth made me fall in love with him even more. Gus was a lightweight and therefore much more drunk then I was. By the time the second movie had ended it was one in the morning. Gus had only moved closer in this time.

The credits began to roll and Gus sat up before snuggling up against me, making me lightheaded.

"I'm sleepy," he said his voice muffled in my sleeve. I suppressed a whimper stuck in my throat, the result of how adorable he was. Part of me wanted to stay like that, just let Gus fall asleep in my arms and maybe in the morning I'd smell like him. But I knew it would be weird for both of us to wake up sober and so close.

"Come on sleepy head, we should go upstairs," I said trying to help Gus up but he only wrapped his arms around me and gave a groan of protest, nuzzling his head deeper into my neck. It took all my might not to get aroused and I managed for the moment. "No really Gus, get your sleeping bag and go upstairs."

I stood while gus was still on me causing him to fall off of the couch. He grabbed the half empty bottle of Rum and his green sleeping bag, all the while muttering angry things under his breath. When we got to the room and settled down he cheered up again… and started drinking again.

I began to silently curse myself for having a sleepover with the guy I hadn't stopped thinking about all day, on top of that I bought booze for us. I didn't trust myself, not at all. Gus had been rambling strange things for an hour or so. I told him to stop drinking but he wouldn't listen.

Out of nowhere he started giggling again. "You remember when we put those up?" he said, his slurred speech barely decipherable. He was pointing at the ceiling. I saw what he was talking about, the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling.

"yea, how old were we when we put those up?" I asked.

"I don't know…. Third grade?" he said.

I was talking like normal but in reality I was just fantasizing about all the things I'd like to do to him at that very moment… things I'd never say in public.

Suddenly things turned serious and Gus was staring at me with those chocolate brown eyes looking so innocent and lovable. "You're my best friend…" he said. It was true of course but it wasn't something you said to someone everyday. At that moment I realized how much I cared about him when all of my emotions welled up at once. He hadn't broken eye contact and the intensity with which he looked at me made my heart ache.

_Why can't you love me? _I thought to myself, I wish I could say those words but I just couldn't. "You're my best friend too Gus," _I love you, _was what I really was saying to him at that moment, _I love you, and I always will. _I tried to tell him that without speaking and felt like crying knowing that I'd never have him.

It was then, when I wanted my best friend more then I ever had before that my please were answered. Like a miracle from the gods when I needed it most, Gus kissed me.

At first my mind went completely blank when I felt that tantalizingly quick kiss. Then it began to work furiously.

I could kiss him back, live my fantasies and pray he would feel the same way sober. Or he could laugh it off, pretend like it hadn't happened and risk years of regret of missing my opportunity. But if Gus loved me back then he may never get the guts to do anything about it again. On the other hand I had no idea how much self-control I had with a few beers in my system… and if I did anything to Gus and it turned out he didn't feel the same way… well he didn't want to think about he consequences.

In that moment as Gus looked at me anxiously I thought for just a moment, that he felt the same way… maybe we could be together. Gus began to stand and I had to decided. What I didn't know was that I was about to make the biggest mistake of our entire friendship. I cleared my mind of all worries and allowed myself to enjoy this moment while It lasted. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back into a kiss, an amazing kiss. I gently pressed my lips against his over and over again and finally slipped my tongue into his mouth, tasting my love for the first time. I poured four years of passion into that kiss and let out a soft moan in his mouth.

Gus's reaction was different then I expected… he deepened the kiss and moved closer to me. He placed both hands on my thighs and kissed me so fiercely that I actually felt intimidated. I lost control of myself.

I debated in my head for atleast five minutes before I finally ripped my apple jacks t-shirt off and threw it across the room. Gus wasted no time before roaming my bare chest… I think I knew it was going to far but with every second of passion I dug myself into a deeper hole.

I took control, flipping Gus onto his back. I was straddling him and began unbuttoning his shirt. I should have known it was too good to be true.

I don't know what made him come to his senses but before I knew what was happening he pushed me off looking disgusted and angry. Immediately I regretted every moment of the past hour and tried to keep from panicking. He stormed out. I thanked the lord that I had his keys and my kieys in my jacket which was in the corner.

I sat on the bed trying to calm myself down as the panic began to set in… _What the hell did I just do!? _I could have ruined our friendship… the only thing that really mattered to me. I began to feel nautious as hell and held my stomach. I tried to figure out what to do… Gus would be back momentarily for his keys and I couldn't let him go when he was this drunk.

"Deep breaths…" I said out loud trying to follow my instructions. "Just don't give him the keys."

_Damnit… Damnit… Damnit…_ was the chorus going on in the back of my head. I stood to grab my jacket with the keys and shoved both sets in my sock drawer. _Damnit! Damnit! Damnit!_ I sat back on my bed willing myself not to kick something. _Damnit… Damnit…. Damnit…_ I ran my fingers through my h air nervously waiting in foear for gus to realize he had no keys. _Damnit!_ The door opened then slammed downstairs. _Damnit… Damnit… Damnit…_ I stood.

I stood on the balcony at the top of the stairs. There he was, staring daggers at me… I wanted to cry… I honestly wanted to cry. But I had to keep my composure… just don't give in and give him the keys no matter how badly you want to be away from him right now.

"You're not driving," I said my voice completely contradicting how I felt.

"Oh yea, give me the keys!" his speech was slurred but he was sober enough at this point to put up a good fight (verbally of course).

"No Gus, I'm not going to let my best friend get himself killed," I said trying to hide my panic.

What he did next just nearly broke my heart. He laughed… he laughed in my face and spoke so harshly that threatening tears began to well up in my eyes. "Best friend?!" he shouted. "Would you do what you did to me if you were my best friend?"

"What I _did to you!?_ Newsflash _Burton!" _I couldn't think of anything to do except return the bitterness, "You kissed me!"

"Here's a newsflash for you Shawn! When your hammered best friend kisses you, you don't take that as the signal to sleep with him while he's too drunk to do anything about it!" Gus was screaming and every word made me feel sicker and sicker.

I was starting to lose it. I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to hold down my vomit, and hold back my tears. "Wha- Who said anything abo- I would never sleep with you!"

"Oh yeah? So you were just stripping down to compare chest hair? And that bulge in your pants was my imagination I suppose?!" My heart fell, so he knew everything that had happened. There had been a tiny ray of hope that maybe, just maybe he only remembered the kiss.

"I was drunk! You were drunk!" I said trying desperately to reason with him.

"Drunk or not Shawn, it doesn't make up for the fact that you would have raped me had I not stopped you."

_Rape? _The one word seemed to bring the whole scenario to a whole new level of dirty and wrong.

"What kind of sick bastard rapes his best friend?" he asked looking at me like I was the dirtiest thing he had ever seen, "I'll sleep on the couch," he said, leaving.

I stood there for a moment looking at the place Gus had been before running back to the bathroom to throw up the bile I just couldn't hold down anymore. I wiped my mouth and looked at my pale face in the mirror. Tear tracks ran down either side of my face and my eyes were bright red… I didn't remember when I started to cry, but I started… and didn't stop, not for hours. I lay in my bed thinking over Gus's words and hating myself more with every waking second.

_I would never rape Gus… _I thought to myself… _but hadn't I already proven__ that wrong?_ I lay on my bed, the tears falling freely now. _Hadn't I already taken advantadge of him and liked it?_ Gus was absolutely right, I was a sick sick bastard.

* * *

_a/n: Laaaame ending but the next chapter is going to be better. It's gonna be Gus POV the next morning, _

_Review and I'll update faster : I probably shouldn't bribe you guys but whatever_


	3. Hangover

**Chapter 3**

**Hangover**

_Gus POV_

* * *

The first thing I remember was a throbbing pain in my right temple and the stale taste of rum in my mouth. I was hung over, that was for sure. The second thing I noticed was something pushing into my back. I groaned and tried to roll over so I could get more comfortable which only made me fall off the couch onto the hardwood floor… not much more comfortable. I rolled onto my back and saw Henry's two and a half foot bass staring down at me from the wall. So I was in the Spencer's… but why was I on the couch?

"Shawn?" I called out half-heartedly.

No answer.

I listened for any sound of life from upstairs but heard nothing. It hurt to think, there was something nagging in the back of my mind that just wasn't registering. Again I tried to hear something upstairs, maybe a shower or bed springs, anything. The silence made me uncomfortable and I knew something was wrong. I racked my brain for the answer and after a painful minute of hung-over thought my own voice filled my head. _What kind of a sick bastard rapes his best friend?_

Shit.

"Shawn?" I called again, louder this time. No answer. "Shawn?" I shouted a little desperately.

With some difficulty I managed to get myself back on the couch, that's when I noticed my keys on the coffee table. My sleeping bag was next to the couch too along with my overnight clothing. I couldn't think, my brain was working painfully slow and nothing made sense.

So Shawn had brought all of my things downstairs without waking me up. Why would he do that? And that meant he must be awake, so why wouldn't he answer me? I dropped my keys in my pocket and went upstairs. I had to talk to him… Yes, the inevitable awkwardness was scary, but we had to get through this. I didn't care that he didn't want to talk to me, he was going to have to. My head was spinning as I scaled the stairs but I finally got to his room.

I knocked on the door three times. "Shawn?" I asked awkwardly, trying to sound as far from angry as possible. "Listen Shawn, forget everything I said last night. I was drunk and I didn't mean it. Just please talk to me." I waited for an answer but didn't get one so I opened the door to find no one there.

Shawn's room at first looked normal, just as messy as ever. But after a moment Gus could tell something was wrong. His bedding was completely tangled and coming off of the bed entirely. All the drawers in his dresser were yanked open and half of its contents were sprawled around it. His bedside table was crooked and a foot away from where it should be, as if Shawn had kicked it. Little things were missing, his duffel bag on the top shelf of his closet, his tacky blue sunglasses that he wore every day, the picture of him and his mother when they went to Disney Land in 3rd grade.

I stood in his doorway, slowly letting it all sink in bit by bit. It took me far too long to put the pieces togethor but finally I realized it…

Shawn was gone.

Slowly the panic began to set in. I went to his dresser and opened up the cigar box where he kept all of his spare cash… empty. I went into the bathroom and his toothbrush was gone. I tried not to panic as I came to terms with what had happened. Shawn never had been the most… stable person. And I was his best friend, shouldn't I have known that? Shouldn't I have thought of that before I began accusing him of such horrible things?

I tried to suppress the guilt that threatened to comsume me. I sat on his bed and held my head in my hands. _What the hell have I done… _I thought to myself. Reluctantly I tried to remember exactly what happened the night before but everything was foggy.

I remembered watching a couple of bad movies. Ferris Bueller's Day Off I could remember well enough. But I didn't remember much after The Goonies was over. I remember being on Shawn's bed and feeling sick. Then some weird feeling I had… sadness? That wasn't it…

The next thing I remember was that look on Shawn's face right before I… right before I kissed him. There was something about that look that made me uncomfortable. Never had I ever or have I ever since seen Shawn look so helpless and vulnerable. It was raw emotion on the verge of desperation. That was the look that made me kiss him. What did that mean? Despite my inebriated state that expression was burned into my memory, it was the only thing I could remember clearly at all from last night.

After that all I remembered were blurred images of him... his rough lips, his bare chest, his fingers unbuttoning my shirt, straddling my hips, and his cocky grin every time I moaned. The memories were so bizarre I hardly believed they were true. That was the boy I've known since 1st grade, my best friend through and through, and we had been about to… I didn't want to think about it. It was just too much to take in at once.

I refused to let myself think of what happened after that. The things I had said to Shawn were inexcusable and had I been in his situation I wouldn't want to see me either. But running away? Again the truth caught me off guard. Shawn could be anywhere, he could have left right after I fell asleep, he could be a hundred miles away by now.

I'd just have to apologize… if I ever could that was. Shawn was gone. I prayed that he would see sense and come home because he knew when Shawn didn't want to be found, he'd make sure he wasn't.

I laid back on the messy bed the throbbing in my head only getting worse. I couldn't help but feel like I might have ruined something, something extremely important, forever. Shawn was gone, who knew where. Shawn never faced life if possible, he didn't want to. And even if he hadn't ran, could we really go back to the way that we were? Was there anyway we could forget what had happened? I felt like our entire friendship had gone up in flames in a matter of moments.

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine Shawn laughing this off, coming back in a few days saying he'd just nipped down to Mexico for a few days for some enchiladas. Saying something like, "Gus, you worry too much. Besides this will be a great chapter when I write my novel 'Shawn and Gus: an epic bromance.'"

But the only Shawn I could picture was the one looking down at me, tears sliding down his cheeks looking utterly pathetic as he registered the things I was saying. I had done that to him… I had started something that he didn't ask for and given him the blame for all of it.

A moment later I heard the front door slam. With a burst of hope I dashed out of Shawn's room and ran down the stairs to apologize immediately when I ran right into Henry.

I, still hung-over and confused, didn't speak for a moment.

"Well Gus are you gonna say something?" he demanded sarcastically after a minute of that scrutinizing glare.

"Oh! Uhh, good morning ," I said awkwardly after another moment of dumb-founded silence.

"Good morning to you Gus. Now tell me my son isn't still asleep," he said wearily as he took off his jacket and slung his belt with his pistol on the coat rack.

"Well…. Not exactly," I said nervously.

Henry gave him a suspicious sideways glance, Gus tried his best to look as innocent as possible even if he felt far from it at this moment. He sighed, "Alright Gus, something's up. You've had your guilty face on since I walked in the door. Now just tell me what he's done so I can find some pointless chore for him to do it and we can be on with our lives," he said giving me one of those stern looks that always made me spit the truth out immediately.

But I couldn't, not now anyways. What was I supposed to say? _Sorry , you see you're son and myself had too much to drink last night and we almost slept together. Then I panicked, mercilessly shouted at him until he cried and now he's missing._

"No, no it's nothing like that," I said which was true in a way… _Shawn_ hadn't done anything, "It's just that when I woke up he wasn't in his room. He probably got bored and took off somewhere."

I was always a terrible liar but Henry, who could see through every lie, even Shawn's, didn't seem to notice. "Fine, fine Gus. I'm going to bed," he said, and with that he brushed past me and disappeared upstairs.

For the moment I was in the clear. But if Shawn didn't show up within the day Henry would come to me first… and then what would I say?

I picked up my things and went into the kitchen to leave, hoping for the best, when something caught my eye. Next to the coffee pot was Shawn's favorite coffee mug and underneath was a half piece of paper written in Shawn's messy handwriting.

_I'm sorry Gus_

_

* * *

_

_This story breaks my heart a little... BUT I need some advice. I'm torn between having Henry seeking out Gus and getting the truth out of him or having Henry be really protective of Shawn and ignore Gus completely not really knowing what's going on but assuming that Gus did something. The first one seems like something Henry would do and I have a better idea of how I'd write that chapter (Chapter 5)._

_I apologize for the long gap between chapters, been busy with school and such. I know what I want to write for the next one __but I'm not gonna promise anything because it's gonna involve alot of really angsty Shawn and angst takes time sooo I'll just hope for the best_

_Review!_

_~liz_

_***I edited the first chapter because it was horrendous and I'll do the same for the second chapter..._


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